How Could This Happen To Me?
by kim-onka
Summary: It is precious little he can see before he is blinded, first by the sharp pain and sudden redness and then by the painfully white brightness flooding his vision... Songfic. "Untitled" by Simple Plan accompanying Break's visit to you-know-where. Please R


Disclaimer: _Pandora Hearts_ is the rightful property of… wait I have it noted somewhere… Jun Mochizuki-san.

The song used is called – attention – _Untitled_ and belongs to the guys from Simple Plan.

Spoiler warning: Break's past. That would be it.

* * *

/ _I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded  
By the white light_ /

It is precious little he can see before he is blinded, first by the sharp pain and sudden redness and then by the painfully white brightness flooding his vision in cascades of light penetrating his skull ever so painfully-

/ _I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_ /

-why is he even here, what has happened, how could it all turn out this way, these questions are crowding and whirling around in his head, yes he recalls chains and sacrifices and deaths and screams but nothing seems to make sense-

/ _And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain _/

-but still it hurts so much that he feels sick and weak and damaged on the inside as well as on the outside, will he be able to rest whenever again but what does it matter if he has a purpose for it all then again what does having a purpose matter just now-

/ _How could this happen to me?  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run _/

-only when did it all go so very wrong that it seems it will never ever gain a chance to be okay as there is nothing and no one to turn to since he decided to save everyone on his own but who oh who is going to save him in the end-

/ _The night goes on  
As I'm fading away _/

-when he has been losing himself and everything he was and would and could be has been withering gradually to leave place for a single objective yet how can he achieve that if he remains as a dim phantom-

/ _I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me? _/

-if the last walls of sanity crumble to a hip of loose bricks, he thinks maybe it is all pointless after all and a scream rears its head in him, fighting to break free and express the rejection of the position he finds himself in -

/ _Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound  
But no one hears me _/

-still it gets squeezed and muffled inside of him under the pressures of vows and determination and loneliness and dejection and who would even hear him let alone listen to him -

/ _I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again _/

-and he feels that he is falling down and down and even deeper despite struggling to retain the grip on his one and only aim which guided him through all those nights with which he seemed to be merging-

/ _So I try to hold onto  
A time when nothing mattered _/

-which aim was nothing more and nothing less than to restore what he lost, return to when life was bearable and before all that he wants so much to call off befell him and crushed him into more and more all too regrettable deeds -

/ _And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't _/

-all those faults and errors and mistakes and sins he committed that cannot be forgotten or perhaps even forgiven and probably, after all, as he is lying there and trembling in fever and bleeding, probably everything –

- is lost.

_/ How could this happen to me?  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me? /_

_

* * *

_

I thought about using this song for Fai, but decided he's had enough already, and then I saw someone else already had… So here you have Kevin.

Oh, and I hope I will be forgiven such a tiny piece of self-advertising that comes with saying that I have an ongoing story which deals with Kevin's past. The story is called _A Tale of a One-eyed Hatter_. With that information, do whatever you consider appropriate.

Eh… Please review?_  
_


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